Do you have any New Year's Resolutions?
I've never been too sure about New Year's Resolutions. I guess it's nice to think of a New Year with a fresh start and "making this one the best year yet!", but who needs a countdown to midnight and a party-popper to decide to change for good? Not me. I believe that with enough conviction, determination, motivation, and always with a little integrity, we can change however and whenever we want.
Have you ever heard anybody say that "how you spend New Year's Eve is how you'll spend the rest of the year"? I have. And I'm not sure about that one either...
For 2012 it was kind of true. I spent the countdown to midnight curled up on one of Pete's relatives' sofa watching a pirated version of X-Men: First Class clutching a bottle of lukewarm water praying that some time soon I would please stop feeling sick. I spent most of 2012 curled up in a ball, on many different sofas, and for many different reasons.
But I'm really hoping that it doesn't happen again this year, as during the inevitable countdown to twelve o'clock I was nestled under Pete's arm, silently crying about how different the Holiday Season should have been...
Christmas was difficult. I often found myself crying; sometimes silently whilst observing my siblings and niece and nephews play, trying to imagine how Seth might have fitted in to the whole dynamic. And at other times I cried uncontrollably, pleading for answers from my Father in Heaven; "Why isn't my little boy here?", "Will the pain ever go away?".
I am slowly learning the answer to the latter question; no, the pain won't ever go away. I heard this so clearly in my heart so many times over Christmas, closely followed by the words "But it's okay."
Christmas wasn't all crying. It was wonderful to be with my family, to share and enjoy simple time with them. Both Pete and I were able to laugh and smile and just be happy on many occasions over the holiday period.
I was planning on taking an abundance of pictures to prove it, but never had the chance!
We were also able to spend some time together at the Temple just before Christmas. We had some beautiful experiences there that have since brought us both to tears with the feeling of overwhelming joy, and love from Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. I would love to share those experiences with you, but now is not the time.
Over the passed few days, when on my own and during conversations with friends, I have reflected on so many things, and have been making a little mental list of "hopes", like resolutions but without the feeling of failure if I fall behind. Because who needs to feel like they've failed at anything?
So I thought why not share the list on my blog?
- Read more books. I used to read all the time; anything I could get my hands on! But recently this hobby has started to slowly disintegrate! So I've decided that I need to read more, and more of the good stuff too. Hopefully, as I begin to read more, I'll be able to blog about the books I read a little, and share brilliant books with the blogging world!
- Keep a journal. When I was a teenager I religiously kept a journal. I would write in it every single evening without fail, and sometimes twice or three times a day! Through some tough years of growing up my journal was my absolute best friend. When I met Pete, I had a new best friend and my journal very much took the back seat (whoops!). I've ordered a beautiful journal off of amazon.co.uk, and cannot wait for it to arrive so that I can pick up a great habit of recording treasured experiences.
- Get crafty! Over Christmas I got super crafty and enjoyed it so much! I made a mini Nativity scene, altered a dress, and almost crocheted my fingers off! I found it so therapeutic, and it felt so good to have something to show for a little hard work - so I will definitely be continuing with the craftiness, and hopefully blogging about that a little more too!
- Blog, blog, BLOG!! I've planned out the next couple of months of blogging, with a few more regular posts to keep me going, and positively! I'm really looking forward to a renewed dedication to a made-over blog.
- And finally... Just be happy.
I have so much to look forward to over the next year. Anticipation of the arrival of a baby girl in April (accompanied by many, many prayers), a new niece or nephew in May, a graduation in July, moving in August, and the most wonderful little family to share it all with. And what better way to do all of these things, than with a smile on my face; even when the roads get bumpy and the winds get rough, I will be smiling, for I am Incredibly Blessed.